After having been hounded for weeks, I'm finally updating. Bec, I hope you're happy.
Although I feel like I have semi-good reasons for not doing so. Past couple weeks I've kinda been on a small vacation from life, outside of work and the diner. I've been less than religious about answering my phone, or even keeping it charged; less religious about signing on AIM, or updating my status messages so people know I'm there. Aside from the standard cast of characters I regularly deal with, I haven't particularly cared to deal with anyone else.
Mostly because of the holiday season, and how stressful it can be. And partly, to a lesser degree, because I'm apparently being stalked. Anyone who waits the better part of an hour for someone to come off their lunch break (reports are varied as to whether said person is still in fact outside) is a fucking stalker.
I think something's wrong with me. Why do I need vacations from people? Well, i mean, duh. We all need vacations sometimes. Plus, the few people I really talk to know what's up and A) give me some space, or B) find a way to get in touch with me regardless. It is because of this that I don't mind hearing from them.
In this day and age, there are a hundred million ways to contact people. And when I cut myself off from two of them to regain a little sanity, everything's great. Until I sign back on to AIM, or turn my phone back on, and all of a sudden it's all barrages of IMs and voice mails talking about how I "never" pick up my phone. Most of the time, that's correct. I don't. Because I'm at work. Statistically, as far as the hours I'm awake go, there's almost never a time (that isn't past midnight) that I'm not at work, or asleep.
I think what bothers me the most is that individuals who cry foul at my lack of availability, for the most part, know my house phone number, know where I live and work, know all my email addresses, and have known those things for years. I feel like if talking to me is that important, then there are tons of ways to do it, rather than the two methods which offer the greatest convenience.
A collection of statements:
1) I need some fucking me time. Be it a day or a month, as it has been lately.
2) Just because I don't pick up my phone or return calls immediately doesn't mean I've forgotten you exist.
3) Aside from being anti-social, sometimes my phone just plain does not work.
4) If I'm that damn important to you, take some time to wonder why I don't want to be accessible.
5) I don't care how angry you get at me. Just going to make it worse.
6) Most importantly, the only things I have to talk about are bad. You don't want to hear them, and I don't want to say them.
7) Let me just be unhappy long enough to want to heal, because you can't fix it.
Things have not been good with me lately.
I can't pull sunny veneers out of thin air like I used to. I'm becoming increasingly less able to ignore the fact that no matter what I do, or what situations I'm in, solely I am in control of my life. And, on paper, where it's going doesn't look all that bad. But things take time, and until I can sate (or eliminate) my appetite for instant gratification, things are going to feel like they're snowballing downhill. And in that sad little miracle that is the 'mind over matter' principle, it all will.
Or, as I theorize, the weather starts to warm up and I spontaneously get happy again.
That said, on top of everything else, boys fucking suck.
(DB) out.
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Monday, December 12, 2005
random collection of thoughts with no soundtrack
So, today, I don't have a random song lyric to set any sort of tone.
Although, tomorrow's my first real day off in, well, probably a week or so. Which isn't really that big of a deal. It just feels like one.
Random anonymous IM quote: "i feel so bad... i just jerked off with my mom in the other room."
That's not me talking. We all know I seriously don't care who's in the other room.
I need a haircut. My dad's been telling me for months, and I think I've run out of excuses. This, however, should get him off my back: "Need money."
Today I made a "Mellow Lunch Break" playlist, to diffuse the knots forming in my brain from helping, on average, four or five customers simultaneously. Some creative rearranging might turn it into a good sleepy time playlist.
Today's random I Hate Boys Moment: Don't ignore me for weeks and then invite me to your "xxx-mas party" out of the blue. I'm so glad I have to work that night.
I think I'm gonna see Bell tomorrow night, and i'll probably end up making dinner for her, to make up for an event that occurred last week. In brief: "Bell, I'm really sorry, it's 1:00am and I know it's a school night, but I'm out front of your house and I can hear you trying to call me back, so let me in."
I love you, Bell Unit.
Things I don't need to see when glancing at the TV: Baby snake, eating baby mouse. Like, hairless, eyes-still-closed baby mouse. Makes the world seem hopeless.
Things I don't mind seeing when glancing at the TV: People in Malaysia, being highly paid to kiss cobras on the head, as a fucking competitive sport.
I probably should stop watching the Discovery Channel so religiously on my nights off.
Maybe more to come later?
Although, tomorrow's my first real day off in, well, probably a week or so. Which isn't really that big of a deal. It just feels like one.
Random anonymous IM quote: "i feel so bad... i just jerked off with my mom in the other room."
That's not me talking. We all know I seriously don't care who's in the other room.
I need a haircut. My dad's been telling me for months, and I think I've run out of excuses. This, however, should get him off my back: "Need money."
Today I made a "Mellow Lunch Break" playlist, to diffuse the knots forming in my brain from helping, on average, four or five customers simultaneously. Some creative rearranging might turn it into a good sleepy time playlist.
Today's random I Hate Boys Moment: Don't ignore me for weeks and then invite me to your "xxx-mas party" out of the blue. I'm so glad I have to work that night.
I think I'm gonna see Bell tomorrow night, and i'll probably end up making dinner for her, to make up for an event that occurred last week. In brief: "Bell, I'm really sorry, it's 1:00am and I know it's a school night, but I'm out front of your house and I can hear you trying to call me back, so let me in."
I love you, Bell Unit.
Things I don't need to see when glancing at the TV: Baby snake, eating baby mouse. Like, hairless, eyes-still-closed baby mouse. Makes the world seem hopeless.
Things I don't mind seeing when glancing at the TV: People in Malaysia, being highly paid to kiss cobras on the head, as a fucking competitive sport.
I probably should stop watching the Discovery Channel so religiously on my nights off.
Maybe more to come later?
Saturday, December 10, 2005
How do you keep an army marching?
Feed it. We are now awaiting pizza. I haven't got any real updating to do, I just feel like it was worth mentioning. More later, maybe?
(DB) out.
(DB) out.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
i pretend that you're already mine, and my heart is aching every time i look into your eyes
Normally I wouldn't write about this but I feel like I need to spit it out.
Last night i dreamt that someone I'm semi-close to was going through a really bad heroin addiction, which is why said person keeps falling off the face of the earth for days at a time.
Normally this wouldn't stick out in my head, but thinking of how entirely possible it could be that it's true, it makes me sick to my stomach. I've known people / heard of people who exhibit these exact behavior patterns, all for the same reason. And I don't know why, but it makes me worry my ass off.
Although, I could just be really screwed up in the head, inventing horrible reasons for someone not to be interested in me / pick up the damn phone when promised.
Why am I waiting around for something wonderful to happen? I should know the world doesn't work like that.
(DB) out.
Last night i dreamt that someone I'm semi-close to was going through a really bad heroin addiction, which is why said person keeps falling off the face of the earth for days at a time.
Normally this wouldn't stick out in my head, but thinking of how entirely possible it could be that it's true, it makes me sick to my stomach. I've known people / heard of people who exhibit these exact behavior patterns, all for the same reason. And I don't know why, but it makes me worry my ass off.
Although, I could just be really screwed up in the head, inventing horrible reasons for someone not to be interested in me / pick up the damn phone when promised.
Why am I waiting around for something wonderful to happen? I should know the world doesn't work like that.
(DB) out.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
"Feel the crush of my beef curtain!"
so, i was just listening to the The Mopod Show and they just talked about a woman who repeatedly called the cops, reporting she had a midget infestation in her house. And according to the show, the woman died of natural causes, and her son actually caught a midget in the kitchen. They'd been living under her house, coming up to the kitchen to steal food.
This is unimportant, but I feel like I should wax poetic about it. And, knowing who I work for, I should be the last person taking up in Microsoft's defense, but whatever. The Xbox 360 is a first-generation product. It's bound to have glitches. People should know this before rushing out to spend hundreds of dollars on one, not even knowing how well it's going to work.
So, I pose the following to America.
If you don't like it, return it. ENOUGH WITH THE CLASS ACTION LAWSUITS!
Seriously. We just got slammed with like eleventy billion lawsuits for iPod issues. And some of them, yes, better actions could've been taken. But come on. Nano scratches? It's going to scratch if you put it in your pocket with steel wool and glass shards, idiots. Even keys and change. Buy a case and get over it.
Now that I'm done with that... well, I don't know what to do with myself.
I wouldn't say this winter's been as depressing as winters usually are for me, I guess due to my efforts to remain comfortably busy. I work odd hours, and lots of them, and I guess that's alright with me. I feel like my interactions with friends have suffered, but it's not like they weren't suffering in the first place.
I've been kinda distracted from everything lately. Not in my typical "Ooh, something shiny!" form, but more along the lines of indecisive preoccupation. If anyone's read The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath, you might remember the fig tree story, and its significance. I'm somewhat in one of those situations now.
In synopsis: You can only choose one fig from the tree. They all look great. You spend so much time trying to decide which fig to pick, that they all rot and fall to the ground.
But this doesn't cover my situation completely. I spend a lot of time worrying about what to do, when I have no real need to. I know exactly how I'm going to react to any possible outcomes of the problem I'm encountering. I think I second-guess myself because the course of events is spread out over such a long period of time. So in summation, I say I don't know what to do, but i'm really just stressing because I don't know when I'm going to get the chance to do what I want.
Being confusing is fun sometimes.
(DB) out.
This is unimportant, but I feel like I should wax poetic about it. And, knowing who I work for, I should be the last person taking up in Microsoft's defense, but whatever. The Xbox 360 is a first-generation product. It's bound to have glitches. People should know this before rushing out to spend hundreds of dollars on one, not even knowing how well it's going to work.
So, I pose the following to America.
If you don't like it, return it. ENOUGH WITH THE CLASS ACTION LAWSUITS!
Seriously. We just got slammed with like eleventy billion lawsuits for iPod issues. And some of them, yes, better actions could've been taken. But come on. Nano scratches? It's going to scratch if you put it in your pocket with steel wool and glass shards, idiots. Even keys and change. Buy a case and get over it.
Now that I'm done with that... well, I don't know what to do with myself.
I wouldn't say this winter's been as depressing as winters usually are for me, I guess due to my efforts to remain comfortably busy. I work odd hours, and lots of them, and I guess that's alright with me. I feel like my interactions with friends have suffered, but it's not like they weren't suffering in the first place.
I've been kinda distracted from everything lately. Not in my typical "Ooh, something shiny!" form, but more along the lines of indecisive preoccupation. If anyone's read The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath, you might remember the fig tree story, and its significance. I'm somewhat in one of those situations now.
In synopsis: You can only choose one fig from the tree. They all look great. You spend so much time trying to decide which fig to pick, that they all rot and fall to the ground.
But this doesn't cover my situation completely. I spend a lot of time worrying about what to do, when I have no real need to. I know exactly how I'm going to react to any possible outcomes of the problem I'm encountering. I think I second-guess myself because the course of events is spread out over such a long period of time. So in summation, I say I don't know what to do, but i'm really just stressing because I don't know when I'm going to get the chance to do what I want.
Being confusing is fun sometimes.
(DB) out.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
need more room to shout...
So I don't know why I chose that title for my entry. I was suffering from iPod ADD and decided to commit to a Lostprophets album. So I just typed the first lyric I heard. I guess that means I do know why I chose this title for my entry.
I promised a real update, and by god, I'll deliver. In some fashion or another. The past couple weeks have been a lot of the same shit, much of it taking place over several different days. Boy drama, parent drama, money drama. Sadly enough, I don't dread going to work, and I enjoy being there. At this rate I figure I'm about three years away from a mid-life crisis. I'm not even twenty yet.
Tonight's been one of my nights in. I've been out the last couple nights, not being too wild or crazy or anything, but today is one of the first days in awhile where I come home from work, eat like a fat girl, then watch TV until I get bored with it. It's the lazy gay man's bubble bath, Ben & Jerry's, and good cry over a Lifetime movie. Which isn't to say that I don't enjoy bubble baths. Or Ben & Jerry's.
Ever watch documentaries, and find yourself filled with warmth whenever the characters end up doing alright? It's like, you can finally let out that bated breath, when that white-on-black screen doesn't come right before the credits. It's a ballsy filmmaker that will make a real nail-biter out of some poor person's journeys through an especially shitty part of their lives, and then have the black screen, talking about the lack of a real happy ending. Despite on-screen appearances. "Little Johnny, despite winning his fight with cancer, was run over by a truck while walking his many adorable puppies."
Fucking filmmakers.
Although the documentaries I treated myself to this evening weren't like that at all. Camera crews followed four transgender college students around for a year. I've been catching the series piece by piece, usually only on nights like this, when I've got the TV to myself and no particular reason to wake up super-early. But tonight, I got to watch the last four episodes all at once, up to the conclusion. One of the four students had a less-than-glorious ending. Which are pretty good odds for a documentary, I guess. Not so bad considering that he (FTM) was from Cyprus and had to go back after school was done. Cyprus = not the most socially liberal of climes. Then, really, seeing that one coming shouldn't have taken any special insight.
I don't know just what it is, but I feel like every time it rolls over 3:00am, I start getting sleepy. And right now, my eyes are having quite the time staying open. And they're watering. So I think I'm going to bed.
BTW, if you don't know about Fox Pass, check my Myspace. Follow the butterfly.
(DB) out.
I promised a real update, and by god, I'll deliver. In some fashion or another. The past couple weeks have been a lot of the same shit, much of it taking place over several different days. Boy drama, parent drama, money drama. Sadly enough, I don't dread going to work, and I enjoy being there. At this rate I figure I'm about three years away from a mid-life crisis. I'm not even twenty yet.
Tonight's been one of my nights in. I've been out the last couple nights, not being too wild or crazy or anything, but today is one of the first days in awhile where I come home from work, eat like a fat girl, then watch TV until I get bored with it. It's the lazy gay man's bubble bath, Ben & Jerry's, and good cry over a Lifetime movie. Which isn't to say that I don't enjoy bubble baths. Or Ben & Jerry's.
Ever watch documentaries, and find yourself filled with warmth whenever the characters end up doing alright? It's like, you can finally let out that bated breath, when that white-on-black screen doesn't come right before the credits. It's a ballsy filmmaker that will make a real nail-biter out of some poor person's journeys through an especially shitty part of their lives, and then have the black screen, talking about the lack of a real happy ending. Despite on-screen appearances. "Little Johnny, despite winning his fight with cancer, was run over by a truck while walking his many adorable puppies."
Fucking filmmakers.
Although the documentaries I treated myself to this evening weren't like that at all. Camera crews followed four transgender college students around for a year. I've been catching the series piece by piece, usually only on nights like this, when I've got the TV to myself and no particular reason to wake up super-early. But tonight, I got to watch the last four episodes all at once, up to the conclusion. One of the four students had a less-than-glorious ending. Which are pretty good odds for a documentary, I guess. Not so bad considering that he (FTM) was from Cyprus and had to go back after school was done. Cyprus = not the most socially liberal of climes. Then, really, seeing that one coming shouldn't have taken any special insight.
I don't know just what it is, but I feel like every time it rolls over 3:00am, I start getting sleepy. And right now, my eyes are having quite the time staying open. And they're watering. So I think I'm going to bed.
BTW, if you don't know about Fox Pass, check my Myspace. Follow the butterfly.
(DB) out.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
me = toolbox
So in the past week or so, I've determined that I'm not in fact switching to goats. Nor do I plan on talking about boys anymore in this blog, because it's all self-contradictory bull crap and you guys probably are getting tired of reading about it.
Not that I'm really writing anything.
I promise I'll do a real update sometime soon, I swear.
(DB) out.
Not that I'm really writing anything.
I promise I'll do a real update sometime soon, I swear.
(DB) out.
Saturday, November 19, 2005
baaah.
men are worthless, i'm switching to goats.
in other news.. nothing. now back to goat-fucking.
So, being stood up on a date sucks, right? Being stood up because the date was by his own admission too blasted to even pick up the phone and cancel sucks even more. Then having said date refuse to return your phone calls, that sucks, right? How about a Myspace bulletin saying how much he wants someone to take him out to the club, without so much as a single attempt to call me back?
Methinks I've just been suckered into believing that three dates that go really well (I thought so) are an indication of how things go in the future, when we all know it doesn't work that way. Once you begin to significantly figure out you like someone, all of a sudden, they start to treat you like a radioactive, soiled diaper.
So, like I said, I'm thinking about switching to goats. It can't be all that baaaaad.
(I had to.)
(DB) out.
in other news.. nothing. now back to goat-fucking.
So, being stood up on a date sucks, right? Being stood up because the date was by his own admission too blasted to even pick up the phone and cancel sucks even more. Then having said date refuse to return your phone calls, that sucks, right? How about a Myspace bulletin saying how much he wants someone to take him out to the club, without so much as a single attempt to call me back?
Methinks I've just been suckered into believing that three dates that go really well (I thought so) are an indication of how things go in the future, when we all know it doesn't work that way. Once you begin to significantly figure out you like someone, all of a sudden, they start to treat you like a radioactive, soiled diaper.
So, like I said, I'm thinking about switching to goats. It can't be all that baaaaad.
(I had to.)
(DB) out.
Saturday, November 12, 2005
friday night fever
I don't know why, but if I don't spend a Friday night out drinking til 3am, I feel like I didn't do anything with my day.
Which would be totally inaccurate. Today I hung out with Kay-star and her friend Jim, then had Starbucks with Claire, where hijinks ensued. Then I came home, discussed Adam Sandler and beer with my parents for a few minutes, then came upstairs.
I masturbated, I fell asleep immediately thereafter, then woke up to footsteps coming up the stairs, giving me just enough time to zip up and pretend I'd been idly typing this whole time.
So now I'm going to watch Garden State, and use junk food to fill the strange, uncharacteristic emotional void I seem to be experiencing. It's a brilliant movie and I could use a little mind candy.
Night,
(DB) out.
Which would be totally inaccurate. Today I hung out with Kay-star and her friend Jim, then had Starbucks with Claire, where hijinks ensued. Then I came home, discussed Adam Sandler and beer with my parents for a few minutes, then came upstairs.
I masturbated, I fell asleep immediately thereafter, then woke up to footsteps coming up the stairs, giving me just enough time to zip up and pretend I'd been idly typing this whole time.
So now I'm going to watch Garden State, and use junk food to fill the strange, uncharacteristic emotional void I seem to be experiencing. It's a brilliant movie and I could use a little mind candy.
Night,
(DB) out.
Friday, November 11, 2005
This just in: I overreact about everything
For now, at least, it looks like maybe thing aren't as dire as I thought.
As a few may know, I've been kinda passively avoiding the house these past couple days, making plans that involve being there only when my parents aren't home, and spending the night out for no good reason other than not feeling at home. I always do that, I avoid being home when I've done something bad. And of course my mom called me on it, and so instead of continuing, I went home last night and dealt with it.
My mom and I talked last night, which was mainly her emoting about how screwed she feels, which is a right she reserves completely. I didn't really say anything, because I didn't really have anything to say, other than that I was sorry and even though that wasn't good enough, I wouldn't really be expecting her help in the future. Which she was quick to assure me, I wouldn't be getting. But she did say, memorably, that she "wants our relationship to move to a more adult level," and that involves me carrying my own weight in a lot of respects. I let her finish blowing off steam, then went to Dave's for the evening.
Today I didn't do too much of anything. Dave and I had lunch with Shelly and there was blog fun to follow. My dad called and asked if I'd be home for dinner, which I agreed to, thinking it was going to be all sorts of terrible, and that I'd walk away from it with instructions to pack my shit and go.
Fortunately this was not the case. He asked me if I had a plan, which I'm not even sure if I do. My mom came home from work and was really glad I was there, I guess just because despite my shortcomings, she missed me. We talked about the normal dinnertime stuff, she asked what sort of advancement potential I might have open to me at Apple, and I waxed poetic about a few courses of action I could take to end up well-paid and happy in the long run, instead of just in the short term.
So, it does indeed look like my world hasn't come completely crashing down on top of my head. I'm still considering moving in with Dave, and also, Kay and I are getting together to discuss apartment shopping. At least if I do plan to get out on my own, I don't have to pull an alternative living arrangement out of my ass, because I still have a place to call home, remarkably enough.
Many thanks to those of you I've subjected to my griping and emo'ing on the topic. And Louise, you are a whore for not meeting me for coffee tonight.
BTW, that hot date I had the other night, actually ended up at a nice restaurant. I felt bad, because he didn't know how to use chopsticks, and we all know what a sushi whore I am. Yeah, I felt so bad, because I'd scarfed down half an ocean's worth of nigiri, and he hadn't gotten through more than two pieces of his. Despite the awkwardness he swears he had a good time, which is good, because I feel in kind.
I made this bomb-ass mix CD the other night for the aforementioned certain someone, and I still feel super-accomplished about it. If any readers feel like putting up with my self-pitying bitching deserves some sort of compensation, ask me how to make the absolute best mix CD ever, for any occasion! That shall be your reward.
Yeah, so tomorrow = hanging out with Kay-star, and then meeting up with Claire to go to some show that's purportedly free. I can't argue with Claire, and free music. Knowing us, we'll lament that we can't find a bottle of wine anywhere to save our lives, and spend ridiculous amounts of time trying to find said bottle of wine anyway. Or go to the CVP and pretend to be legally-drinking college students. It'll be grand.
Thus concludes everything I feel like I should be addressing.. um, so I think I'll go to bed now.
(DB) out.
As a few may know, I've been kinda passively avoiding the house these past couple days, making plans that involve being there only when my parents aren't home, and spending the night out for no good reason other than not feeling at home. I always do that, I avoid being home when I've done something bad. And of course my mom called me on it, and so instead of continuing, I went home last night and dealt with it.
My mom and I talked last night, which was mainly her emoting about how screwed she feels, which is a right she reserves completely. I didn't really say anything, because I didn't really have anything to say, other than that I was sorry and even though that wasn't good enough, I wouldn't really be expecting her help in the future. Which she was quick to assure me, I wouldn't be getting. But she did say, memorably, that she "wants our relationship to move to a more adult level," and that involves me carrying my own weight in a lot of respects. I let her finish blowing off steam, then went to Dave's for the evening.
Today I didn't do too much of anything. Dave and I had lunch with Shelly and there was blog fun to follow. My dad called and asked if I'd be home for dinner, which I agreed to, thinking it was going to be all sorts of terrible, and that I'd walk away from it with instructions to pack my shit and go.
Fortunately this was not the case. He asked me if I had a plan, which I'm not even sure if I do. My mom came home from work and was really glad I was there, I guess just because despite my shortcomings, she missed me. We talked about the normal dinnertime stuff, she asked what sort of advancement potential I might have open to me at Apple, and I waxed poetic about a few courses of action I could take to end up well-paid and happy in the long run, instead of just in the short term.
So, it does indeed look like my world hasn't come completely crashing down on top of my head. I'm still considering moving in with Dave, and also, Kay and I are getting together to discuss apartment shopping. At least if I do plan to get out on my own, I don't have to pull an alternative living arrangement out of my ass, because I still have a place to call home, remarkably enough.
Many thanks to those of you I've subjected to my griping and emo'ing on the topic. And Louise, you are a whore for not meeting me for coffee tonight.
BTW, that hot date I had the other night, actually ended up at a nice restaurant. I felt bad, because he didn't know how to use chopsticks, and we all know what a sushi whore I am. Yeah, I felt so bad, because I'd scarfed down half an ocean's worth of nigiri, and he hadn't gotten through more than two pieces of his. Despite the awkwardness he swears he had a good time, which is good, because I feel in kind.
I made this bomb-ass mix CD the other night for the aforementioned certain someone, and I still feel super-accomplished about it. If any readers feel like putting up with my self-pitying bitching deserves some sort of compensation, ask me how to make the absolute best mix CD ever, for any occasion! That shall be your reward.
Yeah, so tomorrow = hanging out with Kay-star, and then meeting up with Claire to go to some show that's purportedly free. I can't argue with Claire, and free music. Knowing us, we'll lament that we can't find a bottle of wine anywhere to save our lives, and spend ridiculous amounts of time trying to find said bottle of wine anyway. Or go to the CVP and pretend to be legally-drinking college students. It'll be grand.
Thus concludes everything I feel like I should be addressing.. um, so I think I'll go to bed now.
(DB) out.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
identities erased, the sun will heat the ground, under our bare feet
So, it's been a few days. A good amount of stuff has happened, especially today. In short- Saturday night eventually began to suck even more and more as it went on, so I called Jacque and we got donuts and had girl talk, and made mix CDs for our trip to Philly, which was tons and tons of fun. So you should check out the iPhoto gallery, and see.
Today was the last day to drop classes at school, and I didn't go in person, thinking I'd be able to do it online. Unfortunately that wasn't possible. So I'm looking at 16 credits worth of F's this semester, unless I can kiss some serious ass at Records and Reg. tomorrow. Which, knowing the friendly staff of Essex Administration, isn't going to happen.
I'm beginning to think that moving in with Dave is going to become more and more of a reality with every passing day, because my parents are starting to smell the smoke from my glorious plane crash of a semester. I know they're not going to be happy about it. I'm not sure what the ramifications would be for me, when they finally do find out, but I'm fairly sure they're not pretty. And I'm also sure they're going to find out soon. I'm preparing myself for the worst-case scenario.
Even though losing my car and comfy suburban lifestyle is going to take its toll on me, maybe it's for the best. When I fucked up high school, it became clear I was going to have to build my life from the ground up. I just didn't know how close to the ground I would have to start. But the path, while not without its own tribulations, has not been difficult. I feel like everything I have in this world, I've been given. My car, my cell phone, every single piece of furniture, my last failed attempt at school, and my current failed attempt at school. My parents have tried for so long to make sure my life would be as easy and promising as possible, but for whatever reason, I take what they offer me and fail to do what I should with it. I'm sure they're tired of me draining their energy and resources, and the more I think about it, I feel like I'm tired of being such a drain on them.
When it comes to getting on with my own future, I need to shit or get off the pot. I don't feel like I can do that living with them. Although who knows, maybe after much fighting (and more importantly, after I've paid them back for the semester) our relationship can start to heal.
In other news, got another hot date tomorrow night, and I really feel like I should do some laundry, because I'm thinking we should probably, you know, go to a decent restaurant instead of a 24-hour diner. I also think I'll have to wake up early to take care of that among other things. So, I think I'll be going now.
(DB) out.
Today was the last day to drop classes at school, and I didn't go in person, thinking I'd be able to do it online. Unfortunately that wasn't possible. So I'm looking at 16 credits worth of F's this semester, unless I can kiss some serious ass at Records and Reg. tomorrow. Which, knowing the friendly staff of Essex Administration, isn't going to happen.
I'm beginning to think that moving in with Dave is going to become more and more of a reality with every passing day, because my parents are starting to smell the smoke from my glorious plane crash of a semester. I know they're not going to be happy about it. I'm not sure what the ramifications would be for me, when they finally do find out, but I'm fairly sure they're not pretty. And I'm also sure they're going to find out soon. I'm preparing myself for the worst-case scenario.
Even though losing my car and comfy suburban lifestyle is going to take its toll on me, maybe it's for the best. When I fucked up high school, it became clear I was going to have to build my life from the ground up. I just didn't know how close to the ground I would have to start. But the path, while not without its own tribulations, has not been difficult. I feel like everything I have in this world, I've been given. My car, my cell phone, every single piece of furniture, my last failed attempt at school, and my current failed attempt at school. My parents have tried for so long to make sure my life would be as easy and promising as possible, but for whatever reason, I take what they offer me and fail to do what I should with it. I'm sure they're tired of me draining their energy and resources, and the more I think about it, I feel like I'm tired of being such a drain on them.
When it comes to getting on with my own future, I need to shit or get off the pot. I don't feel like I can do that living with them. Although who knows, maybe after much fighting (and more importantly, after I've paid them back for the semester) our relationship can start to heal.
In other news, got another hot date tomorrow night, and I really feel like I should do some laundry, because I'm thinking we should probably, you know, go to a decent restaurant instead of a 24-hour diner. I also think I'll have to wake up early to take care of that among other things. So, I think I'll be going now.
(DB) out.
Sunday, November 06, 2005
current mood: buggered
In a big experiment involving laziness and stream of consciousness, I give you me, right now.
so i'm mad becasue nowhere around here cashes checks, liquor store clerks are just lazy because they want to get out RIGHT at 10:00 when the store closes and they all have their tills counted and people without 24-hour bank accounts are fucked. i have no money and tomorrow's sunday and i'll be lucky if i can even get to a bank tomorrow much less one thats open. i wasted all my remaining gas tonight driving to and from seedy establishments hoping they'd take a piece off the top of my hard earned pay, just so i could have access to it, but no, here i am broke with one cigarette left feeling like God has smacked me in the face with his dick.
+ my car is making funny noises and if i didn't know any better, i'd say my serpentine belt wasn't on its last legs. and i dont have any money to fix that.
+ i think i missed the deadline to withdraw from classes at school so no matter what i do now, my college GPA is ruined. no sweat though because we all knew that was coming.
once again i feel like God is smacking his dick on my face. i daren't say it couldn't get any worse because i know it could but i'm thinking it's just bad enough to the point that i wouldn't particularly need it to get any worse to make me any more upsetangrystressedwhatever. tonight i masturbated and took a really short nap because i was looking for something to do that wouldn't involve me smoking my last cigarette and having to go out to 7-11, because i'm just that lazy
i guess i was waiting for tonight to just fall into place, like last night did, but i guess that was too much to ask, and no matter what i try to do to fix it, i'm embuggered on a broken wine bottle just the same
goodnight, or something like it
(DB) out.
so i'm mad becasue nowhere around here cashes checks, liquor store clerks are just lazy because they want to get out RIGHT at 10:00 when the store closes and they all have their tills counted and people without 24-hour bank accounts are fucked. i have no money and tomorrow's sunday and i'll be lucky if i can even get to a bank tomorrow much less one thats open. i wasted all my remaining gas tonight driving to and from seedy establishments hoping they'd take a piece off the top of my hard earned pay, just so i could have access to it, but no, here i am broke with one cigarette left feeling like God has smacked me in the face with his dick.
+ my car is making funny noises and if i didn't know any better, i'd say my serpentine belt wasn't on its last legs. and i dont have any money to fix that.
+ i think i missed the deadline to withdraw from classes at school so no matter what i do now, my college GPA is ruined. no sweat though because we all knew that was coming.
once again i feel like God is smacking his dick on my face. i daren't say it couldn't get any worse because i know it could but i'm thinking it's just bad enough to the point that i wouldn't particularly need it to get any worse to make me any more upsetangrystressedwhatever. tonight i masturbated and took a really short nap because i was looking for something to do that wouldn't involve me smoking my last cigarette and having to go out to 7-11, because i'm just that lazy
i guess i was waiting for tonight to just fall into place, like last night did, but i guess that was too much to ask, and no matter what i try to do to fix it, i'm embuggered on a broken wine bottle just the same
goodnight, or something like it
(DB) out.
Friday, November 04, 2005
you know who you are
Thanks for the Livejournal entry with the lyrics. It's nice to know that at least one of us is publicly badmouthing the other.
if i took a good look at the nobody in the mirror...
So, I was reading the old, old blog again and found this one set of lyrics that's really trite and semi-juvenile, but at least the hook for the song is as scathing and pithy as something I would write these days.
I haven't posted in a number of days, which is for a number of reasons. I've been busy, again reconnecting with friends I haven't seen in a while, and making new ones. All in all, aside from school drama, everything's been pretty satisfying this week.
+ a few giddy schoolgirl moments. Thank you, Myspace.
In an update on the one entry where I talked about getting together a group of aimless artists to have spontaneous coffee houses and then go home, á la Burning Man, sans the desert and the drugs, I wrote a poem the other night, and I can totally see myself reading it at a coffee house with a smirk on my face. A few of you might have already read it, but if you haven't / you even care, ask me for it. Or just wait a few days, because who knows, I might start feeling ballsy and put it out there for all to see and then not say anything if they don't like it. Sometimes, I think out things like that too much.
I started this post not intending to write very much, but it's become apparent to me that if I set the zoom up on the screen, so that the text is enormous and the magnification follows my typing, it's a lot more fun to write. So I think I will.
But yeah, in very few words, I've got a hot date tomorrow night, about which I'm very excited. I had a hot date tonight, too, which was really impromptu, but satisfying anyway. It should take the edge off tomorrow night, because it won't technically be the first date. But yeah. Giddy like a little schoolgirl.
Oh, this also bears mentioning: I was upset to find out earlier this week that instead of getting a 20GB, fourth-generation iPod photo, I'll be getting a 30GB, fifth-generation iPod. Yeah, the one that plays video. Why would I complain about this? Getting a more current / cool version? Because the fifth-generation iPod no longer supports FireWire. And, unless I go out and buy a whole new computer, it'll take me approximately an entire weekend to transfer my whole music library to the iPod. That and, I've heard rumors that it won't even bother transferring videos over USB 1.1 (what I have) because it'd be too sinfully slow. That and I'm gonna have to invest in a wall charger, because USB 1.1 doesn't supply enough power to charge the thing, or so I'm told. But, I guess once I have the whole library transferred, I'll only be transferring a couple of songs at a time after that, so the slow connection might not be all that bothersome. That, and all my assumptions are based on hearsay.
God, I'm a dork, but it feels good to have typed something.
(DB) out.
I haven't posted in a number of days, which is for a number of reasons. I've been busy, again reconnecting with friends I haven't seen in a while, and making new ones. All in all, aside from school drama, everything's been pretty satisfying this week.
+ a few giddy schoolgirl moments. Thank you, Myspace.
In an update on the one entry where I talked about getting together a group of aimless artists to have spontaneous coffee houses and then go home, á la Burning Man, sans the desert and the drugs, I wrote a poem the other night, and I can totally see myself reading it at a coffee house with a smirk on my face. A few of you might have already read it, but if you haven't / you even care, ask me for it. Or just wait a few days, because who knows, I might start feeling ballsy and put it out there for all to see and then not say anything if they don't like it. Sometimes, I think out things like that too much.
I started this post not intending to write very much, but it's become apparent to me that if I set the zoom up on the screen, so that the text is enormous and the magnification follows my typing, it's a lot more fun to write. So I think I will.
But yeah, in very few words, I've got a hot date tomorrow night, about which I'm very excited. I had a hot date tonight, too, which was really impromptu, but satisfying anyway. It should take the edge off tomorrow night, because it won't technically be the first date. But yeah. Giddy like a little schoolgirl.
Oh, this also bears mentioning: I was upset to find out earlier this week that instead of getting a 20GB, fourth-generation iPod photo, I'll be getting a 30GB, fifth-generation iPod. Yeah, the one that plays video. Why would I complain about this? Getting a more current / cool version? Because the fifth-generation iPod no longer supports FireWire. And, unless I go out and buy a whole new computer, it'll take me approximately an entire weekend to transfer my whole music library to the iPod. That and, I've heard rumors that it won't even bother transferring videos over USB 1.1 (what I have) because it'd be too sinfully slow. That and I'm gonna have to invest in a wall charger, because USB 1.1 doesn't supply enough power to charge the thing, or so I'm told. But, I guess once I have the whole library transferred, I'll only be transferring a couple of songs at a time after that, so the slow connection might not be all that bothersome. That, and all my assumptions are based on hearsay.
God, I'm a dork, but it feels good to have typed something.
(DB) out.
Monday, October 31, 2005
i'm not gonna make any friends this way...
In fact, that is a paraphrase from the kid sitting one table over from me, playing Magic: The Gathering. Probably describing the card he just played.
So I'm at school, waiting for class to start. Nothing has really been going on since last night, that I haven't talked about. I did forget to mention last night, however, how on Saturday I blew up my lawnmower and wrapped a toxic smoke cloud around my neighborhood. There was a Myspace bulletin with pictures. Go find it.
I'm trying to find some way to get my Halloween on tonight. So far, I don't know of anything that's going on. But I took off work tomorrow, in anticipation of getting at least a little crunk tonight. Please, people. Give me a place to put on a skirt and wear some heels. This reminds me, I somehow need to find a campy wig to complete my costume.
You know what'd be great? If the kids next to me complain about my selection of music. I guess one could raise the case that I'm being disruptive, what with not using my headphones or anything. But, I could raise the same case: "4 points mana! Festering plague bitches!" is not exactly what I'd consider a breakfast-time serenade.
I'd go make my Lean Cuisine, but I forgot to bring any cookware whatsoever. I don't think stuffing my face directly into a microwave dinner would do anything good to my skin, or my reputation. Who knows, maybe I'll just get that hungry.
"The radio is playing all the usual, and what's a wonderwall anyway?" Yay for mash-ups.
Anyway, it's approx. class time, so I'll write more later. Peace out biotches,
(DB) out.
So I'm at school, waiting for class to start. Nothing has really been going on since last night, that I haven't talked about. I did forget to mention last night, however, how on Saturday I blew up my lawnmower and wrapped a toxic smoke cloud around my neighborhood. There was a Myspace bulletin with pictures. Go find it.
I'm trying to find some way to get my Halloween on tonight. So far, I don't know of anything that's going on. But I took off work tomorrow, in anticipation of getting at least a little crunk tonight. Please, people. Give me a place to put on a skirt and wear some heels. This reminds me, I somehow need to find a campy wig to complete my costume.
You know what'd be great? If the kids next to me complain about my selection of music. I guess one could raise the case that I'm being disruptive, what with not using my headphones or anything. But, I could raise the same case: "4 points mana! Festering plague bitches!" is not exactly what I'd consider a breakfast-time serenade.
I'd go make my Lean Cuisine, but I forgot to bring any cookware whatsoever. I don't think stuffing my face directly into a microwave dinner would do anything good to my skin, or my reputation. Who knows, maybe I'll just get that hungry.
"The radio is playing all the usual, and what's a wonderwall anyway?" Yay for mash-ups.
Anyway, it's approx. class time, so I'll write more later. Peace out biotches,
(DB) out.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
crazy
This weekend has been absolutely insane. INSANE, I TELL YOU.
Friday- school. denny's. work. TGIFriday's. illness from spicy food. the end.
Saturday- slept a lot. went to a party with louise and dave, in full drag. It wasn't a costume party. And Dave and I were the only gay guys there. I got completely shit faced, went home, and threw up a lot. while unconscious.
Today- woke up in pool of own vomit. had to tell my mom the story. she laughed and handed me nail polish remover.
some pictures are up in the photo gallery.
and right now, i lack the motivation to say anything more. haha. bed soon. goodnight
Friday- school. denny's. work. TGIFriday's. illness from spicy food. the end.
Saturday- slept a lot. went to a party with louise and dave, in full drag. It wasn't a costume party. And Dave and I were the only gay guys there. I got completely shit faced, went home, and threw up a lot. while unconscious.
Today- woke up in pool of own vomit. had to tell my mom the story. she laughed and handed me nail polish remover.
some pictures are up in the photo gallery.
and right now, i lack the motivation to say anything more. haha. bed soon. goodnight
Thursday, October 27, 2005
don't look at me that way!
Coolest thing ever = thinking you have to work, then running late for work, e-mailing your boss to inform her of your lateness, only to have her tell you you're not scheduled for the day. Fast food, TV, and scratching myself, here I come!
crazy, crazy for feelin' so lonely...
Once again I start with songs I'm not listening to. Although Patsy Cline isn't exactly in my library, so I guess I'll have to do without for the time being. I mean there's always iTunes, but let's be honest. I don't need to be spending any more money.
Tonight, we didn't get out of work until about an hour and a half after we closed. It was one of our new managers' first times closing, and as I would imagine, it unfortunately takes some time to learn. That and we had a couple expensive items lifted today. Needless to say, it was not a good day at the store.
In other news, I heard from my parents again, and they did manage to get a slight amount of time in Bermuda. My mom said it was wonderful, which is fortunate. I'd have hated to see them spend all that money and brave a hurricane and then not be able to enjoy their destination.
Mike kidnapped me and took me to the pool hall tonight, which was pretty cool. We agreed to help clean up and take out the garbage at closing time in exchange for a little discount and after-hours privileges. Not like we stayed too late, because he has to get up and help his dad with work and I have work in the morning, which I totally didn't know about until I went in today. Believe you me, I wasn't pleased. Oh well, it's not like I'd have done anything other than sit home, eat fast food, and scratch myself. At least I'll be doing something productive. Then I have a dinner date with Jaime tomorrow night. We're dorks, because we're having a dinner date at Wegman's. I'm excited, because I hear Wegman's is the new Wal-Mart when it comes to food. That and they have brick oven pizza and a sushi bar. How could we say no?
I think on that note I'm going to bed, since I have to wake up in four hours. So yeah.
BTW- I'm sorry I wasn't online tonight, to anyone who may have wanted to talk to me. ;-)
(DB) out.
Tonight, we didn't get out of work until about an hour and a half after we closed. It was one of our new managers' first times closing, and as I would imagine, it unfortunately takes some time to learn. That and we had a couple expensive items lifted today. Needless to say, it was not a good day at the store.
In other news, I heard from my parents again, and they did manage to get a slight amount of time in Bermuda. My mom said it was wonderful, which is fortunate. I'd have hated to see them spend all that money and brave a hurricane and then not be able to enjoy their destination.
Mike kidnapped me and took me to the pool hall tonight, which was pretty cool. We agreed to help clean up and take out the garbage at closing time in exchange for a little discount and after-hours privileges. Not like we stayed too late, because he has to get up and help his dad with work and I have work in the morning, which I totally didn't know about until I went in today. Believe you me, I wasn't pleased. Oh well, it's not like I'd have done anything other than sit home, eat fast food, and scratch myself. At least I'll be doing something productive. Then I have a dinner date with Jaime tomorrow night. We're dorks, because we're having a dinner date at Wegman's. I'm excited, because I hear Wegman's is the new Wal-Mart when it comes to food. That and they have brick oven pizza and a sushi bar. How could we say no?
I think on that note I'm going to bed, since I have to wake up in four hours. So yeah.
BTW- I'm sorry I wasn't online tonight, to anyone who may have wanted to talk to me. ;-)
(DB) out.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
smile like you mean it...
I have no idea why I just titled this entry after a song I haven't listened to in probably over a month. Uh-oh, there I go. Now I'm listening to it.
Today, I went to Ikea, fake-shopping with Louise. Ikea is the kind of place that makes you wish you had tons of money. Not because of their prices, but because you want a big, super-modern apartment to furnish with all of their reasonably-priced and fashionable wares. I am an Ikea whore, and I'm proud of it.
Crap. My parents always tell me they don't want me smoking in my room because they're afraid I'll start a fire. And I just dropped my cigarette. No fire, no harm, no foul. But, I can hear my mom in my head, going "I told you so, hahaha, you'll shoot your eye out..." "The Christmas Story" anyone? Oh well.
Hot damn, Christmas is coming up, isn't it?
That reminds me of that time like three years ago, when my AIM profile / away message always contained a countdown, like "13 days until Xmas is fucking over." I hated Christmas so passionately, those years my parents decided to host it at my house. I think the best Christmas we ever had was the time my mom had surgery three days before, and we all just chilled at home and watched movies. It was really mellow, and really low-pressure, which is a break from Christmas tradition in my family. This past Christmas, I had to drink tons of egg nog to keep my Grandma's tactless anecdotes (that she doesn't mean to be funny) from forcing me into hysterics at the dinner table. I finally realized why Christmas was such a drunken holiday with my mom's side of the family.
Tomorrow, I have school and work. + I need to find some sort of public event to go to, such as a lecture or a performance, so I can write my speech paper on it. We didn't have class on Monday because we had the option of going to see Antigone at school, but I had to work, and I didn't know it was the final run of the show. I have until a week from Friday to write this paper, and something tells me I super-duper need to do a bang-up job on it.
On that note, I wish I had some sort of outlet to write more, or be more artistic in general. I miss going to Carver, sometimes, because no matter what was going on with outside life or other classes, we all had our own little projects that we were always sharing with each other, or polishing the day before coffee house, or hacking to pieces and reconstructing in our journals. If I can't get myself into a liberal arts school, then I want to create something of my own. Anybody like the idea of creating a group of otherwised bored, semi-uninspired artists, who get together to share their stuff and then go about their business? Poetry, photography, photo-essays, songs, paintings, drawings, whatever. I think it'd be a great idea to put something like that together.
Let me know if you're interested! Of course, I've probably already discussed something along these lines with all four people who read this. But tell your friends. Ask them what they think. Let me know!
I think, after that little bit of verbal diarrhea, I'm heading to bed. I have a big (but otherwise normal) day tomorrow.
(DB) out.
Today, I went to Ikea, fake-shopping with Louise. Ikea is the kind of place that makes you wish you had tons of money. Not because of their prices, but because you want a big, super-modern apartment to furnish with all of their reasonably-priced and fashionable wares. I am an Ikea whore, and I'm proud of it.
Crap. My parents always tell me they don't want me smoking in my room because they're afraid I'll start a fire. And I just dropped my cigarette. No fire, no harm, no foul. But, I can hear my mom in my head, going "I told you so, hahaha, you'll shoot your eye out..." "The Christmas Story" anyone? Oh well.
Hot damn, Christmas is coming up, isn't it?
That reminds me of that time like three years ago, when my AIM profile / away message always contained a countdown, like "13 days until Xmas is fucking over." I hated Christmas so passionately, those years my parents decided to host it at my house. I think the best Christmas we ever had was the time my mom had surgery three days before, and we all just chilled at home and watched movies. It was really mellow, and really low-pressure, which is a break from Christmas tradition in my family. This past Christmas, I had to drink tons of egg nog to keep my Grandma's tactless anecdotes (that she doesn't mean to be funny) from forcing me into hysterics at the dinner table. I finally realized why Christmas was such a drunken holiday with my mom's side of the family.
Tomorrow, I have school and work. + I need to find some sort of public event to go to, such as a lecture or a performance, so I can write my speech paper on it. We didn't have class on Monday because we had the option of going to see Antigone at school, but I had to work, and I didn't know it was the final run of the show. I have until a week from Friday to write this paper, and something tells me I super-duper need to do a bang-up job on it.
On that note, I wish I had some sort of outlet to write more, or be more artistic in general. I miss going to Carver, sometimes, because no matter what was going on with outside life or other classes, we all had our own little projects that we were always sharing with each other, or polishing the day before coffee house, or hacking to pieces and reconstructing in our journals. If I can't get myself into a liberal arts school, then I want to create something of my own. Anybody like the idea of creating a group of otherwised bored, semi-uninspired artists, who get together to share their stuff and then go about their business? Poetry, photography, photo-essays, songs, paintings, drawings, whatever. I think it'd be a great idea to put something like that together.
Let me know if you're interested! Of course, I've probably already discussed something along these lines with all four people who read this. But tell your friends. Ask them what they think. Let me know!
I think, after that little bit of verbal diarrhea, I'm heading to bed. I have a big (but otherwise normal) day tomorrow.
(DB) out.
Sunday, October 23, 2005
this is a liberating feeling
So, this past weekend, I've been so busy having fun that I haven't had time to write a blog entry. I know my obsession with fun sounds obnoxious, but from someone who generally only gets a tan in front of a computer screen, please, don't think too poorly of me for it.
The Bravery was awesome. Dave and I got drunk behind City Hall, not knowing that's where we were. He touched Sam Endicott (lead singer) and would not shut up about it. For hours. Then I got to hang out with Claire, which I don't do nearly enough. The hours at the show I spent burning off all the peppermint schnapps was for naught, because we ended up at a bar, where they didn't card people. I was irresponsibly drunk once again. We went to Denny's, and stayed for a while, and by the time the night was over, it was 5am. And I had to be up at 8:30 for work.
I'd never felt so miserable, and I'd never felt so alive.
Last night I went out to dinner with Tabby, and then we went to Dave's party. It was fun, but I had to leave after an hour because I got impatient and drank a ton of liquor before the already-stoned crowd decided to spark another blunt. So I was nearly sick, and got home at midnight. How insane is that? I had fun anyway.
BTW, Dave's a big whore and I have pictures to prove it, muhahahaha.
This morning, my parents decided they were going on their cruise, hurricane or not. So they left, and now I can have peace and quiet around here for a week. It's gonna be great, if not boring. I got to see Kay-star today, which is a rarety unless it's a Jewish holiday. That made me happy.
And so, all I have to look forward to is feeding my dog, and finding something entertaining to watch on TV. I wanna relax.
Unless someone calls me and asks what I'm doing, at which point I'll happily jump at the chance to go out, get crunk, and let the good times roll once again.
I was watching TV earlier and saw this girl Alison that I went to high school with, telling Mo Rocca that she can smell hot dogs from a half-mile away. Out of context it sounds really random, but it was in a sequence of him asking people really awkward questions, and she handled it just like she would any other question. It was cool and even though we wouldn't exactly be considered friends it made me happy to see it.
Oh no... the Myspace servers are going down.. Guess I'll soon start clawing at the invisible bugs all over my skin, fiendishly accosting passers-by, in the name of getting a fix.
You think I'm kidding.
(DB) out.
The Bravery was awesome. Dave and I got drunk behind City Hall, not knowing that's where we were. He touched Sam Endicott (lead singer) and would not shut up about it. For hours. Then I got to hang out with Claire, which I don't do nearly enough. The hours at the show I spent burning off all the peppermint schnapps was for naught, because we ended up at a bar, where they didn't card people. I was irresponsibly drunk once again. We went to Denny's, and stayed for a while, and by the time the night was over, it was 5am. And I had to be up at 8:30 for work.
I'd never felt so miserable, and I'd never felt so alive.
Last night I went out to dinner with Tabby, and then we went to Dave's party. It was fun, but I had to leave after an hour because I got impatient and drank a ton of liquor before the already-stoned crowd decided to spark another blunt. So I was nearly sick, and got home at midnight. How insane is that? I had fun anyway.
BTW, Dave's a big whore and I have pictures to prove it, muhahahaha.
This morning, my parents decided they were going on their cruise, hurricane or not. So they left, and now I can have peace and quiet around here for a week. It's gonna be great, if not boring. I got to see Kay-star today, which is a rarety unless it's a Jewish holiday. That made me happy.
And so, all I have to look forward to is feeding my dog, and finding something entertaining to watch on TV. I wanna relax.
Unless someone calls me and asks what I'm doing, at which point I'll happily jump at the chance to go out, get crunk, and let the good times roll once again.
I was watching TV earlier and saw this girl Alison that I went to high school with, telling Mo Rocca that she can smell hot dogs from a half-mile away. Out of context it sounds really random, but it was in a sequence of him asking people really awkward questions, and she handled it just like she would any other question. It was cool and even though we wouldn't exactly be considered friends it made me happy to see it.
Oh no... the Myspace servers are going down.. Guess I'll soon start clawing at the invisible bugs all over my skin, fiendishly accosting passers-by, in the name of getting a fix.
You think I'm kidding.
(DB) out.
Friday, October 21, 2005
fun with balls
Tonight I went to the pool hall for the first time in probably a hundred million years. It was good times. And Mike got his license. When the hell did this happen?
I really wanna get this song recorded, because even though it's simple, I think I could end up making it sound really cool. That and surprisingly, the built-in mic on the iBook records things rather well. I'd like to get a real mic, though, or something.
Today was far less antisocial and more productive than any day I've had lately, so I feel good about that. + The Bravery tomorrow night. Bottom line: work on Saturday morning is going to be a huge, terrible bitch, given the fact that I might stick around Sonar after the show and get my club on. And then party on Saturday night.
I am such a fat girl. I ate a bowl of soup and two hot pockets not three hours ago, and I'm hungry again. It's probably because I'm bored. Sigh.. and I have another five loads of laundry to do. Maybe I'll do that, and not be bored, and then I won't eat. (Or maybe I'll eat every other set of pants I try to fold.)
Speaking of bored, I spent an hour today trying to sort out how to make custom Myspace styles not screw up my profile. I wasn't all that successful, but I was better off than when I tried the other night. If anybody knows CSS, please let me know. Not like anybody ever reads this thing.
So, the question of the day is, how does one lose weight when all one eats is microwaveable, processed horse shit? And it's not that one eats M.P.H.S. by choice, because one only has access to a microwave at work, and never has any time to prepare healthy food. And one is at work, all the time. Usually uses Myspace and cigarettes to suppress appetite.
after a nice, short night of sleep
I don't know what my plan is for today. I think I'm missing Soc, because I'm fairly caught up in that class and all we do is talk. I'd rather have an egg sandwich than starve through our daily and customary debates. Then there's Stat... that should be fun. I need to finish this thing I'm writing for Speech. It's supposed to be a recollection of a memory, one in which we can recall a strong emotional response, whatever that may be.
Mine's about how I finally accepted I was gay, and even after the fact, I still feel ashamed of myself sometimes when in a room full of straight people. It's almost November and I have yet to mutter the word "homosexual" to anyone in the class other than the teacher, because I guess I'm afraid to. Maybe they already know, maybe they don't, but why am I so afraid to be who I am? Why do the kids (and I do mean kids) in my class scare me? I've been through far more emotional hell from the people I'm closest to than anyone hearing the speech can throw at me. So, in that case, fuck them, I'm being who I want to be.
Maybe one day, I'll have gotten it all out to the point that I don't have to continually play the "I'm young, and gay, and misunderstood" card to get inspiration for class assignments.
BRAVERY TONIGHT!!!!!
(DB) out.
I really wanna get this song recorded, because even though it's simple, I think I could end up making it sound really cool. That and surprisingly, the built-in mic on the iBook records things rather well. I'd like to get a real mic, though, or something.
Today was far less antisocial and more productive than any day I've had lately, so I feel good about that. + The Bravery tomorrow night. Bottom line: work on Saturday morning is going to be a huge, terrible bitch, given the fact that I might stick around Sonar after the show and get my club on. And then party on Saturday night.
I am such a fat girl. I ate a bowl of soup and two hot pockets not three hours ago, and I'm hungry again. It's probably because I'm bored. Sigh.. and I have another five loads of laundry to do. Maybe I'll do that, and not be bored, and then I won't eat. (Or maybe I'll eat every other set of pants I try to fold.)
Speaking of bored, I spent an hour today trying to sort out how to make custom Myspace styles not screw up my profile. I wasn't all that successful, but I was better off than when I tried the other night. If anybody knows CSS, please let me know. Not like anybody ever reads this thing.
So, the question of the day is, how does one lose weight when all one eats is microwaveable, processed horse shit? And it's not that one eats M.P.H.S. by choice, because one only has access to a microwave at work, and never has any time to prepare healthy food. And one is at work, all the time. Usually uses Myspace and cigarettes to suppress appetite.
after a nice, short night of sleep
I don't know what my plan is for today. I think I'm missing Soc, because I'm fairly caught up in that class and all we do is talk. I'd rather have an egg sandwich than starve through our daily and customary debates. Then there's Stat... that should be fun. I need to finish this thing I'm writing for Speech. It's supposed to be a recollection of a memory, one in which we can recall a strong emotional response, whatever that may be.
Mine's about how I finally accepted I was gay, and even after the fact, I still feel ashamed of myself sometimes when in a room full of straight people. It's almost November and I have yet to mutter the word "homosexual" to anyone in the class other than the teacher, because I guess I'm afraid to. Maybe they already know, maybe they don't, but why am I so afraid to be who I am? Why do the kids (and I do mean kids) in my class scare me? I've been through far more emotional hell from the people I'm closest to than anyone hearing the speech can throw at me. So, in that case, fuck them, I'm being who I want to be.
Maybe one day, I'll have gotten it all out to the point that I don't have to continually play the "I'm young, and gay, and misunderstood" card to get inspiration for class assignments.
BRAVERY TONIGHT!!!!!
(DB) out.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
embarassing.
Okay. So I woke up this morning and my bedroom door was open. I didn't leave it open last night. Chances are, somebody walked in and found me sleeping, with a tube sock in the most inappropriate of places. That makes me wanna fart.
All I did was work last night. I don't remember doing anything else, except DLing a few Postal Service songs and having them not play right. Oh, and I spent a few hours listening to Louise make fun of me. I'm pretty used to that at this point, I think it's more funny than it is like... hurtful, or mean. But yeah, definitely funny. See the adventures of Mr. Heartbreaker and Super Footwear Girl here.
BTW, when I said I woke up this morning, I lied. I woke up at 1:15. hah. My mom told me to clean the bathroom. I have to somehow fit that in with doing a hundred or so loads of laundry, because we all know I'm running out of outfit choices. Sad part is, Brad used to do my laundry, and it's been a month, and only now am I starting to run out of stuff that is A) clean, or B) doesn't stink. So, I need to remember how to work a washer and a dryer, and if I look at it the right way, I can delude myself into feeling really good about it. "It's not a chore, it's an assertion of my independence!" (yeahok)
So, when I did wake up this afternoon, there was an IM on my phone from some random guy. I got online and IMed him back and he forgot he IMed me in the first place.
I have a message for any Random Guys who want to IM me. I'm not interested in hooking up with you. That and, if you want to talk to me, please like... actually want to talk to me, instead of sending out IM blasts to every guy you can find and then seeing who writes back.
That and, Myspace Friend Whores, don't even bother.
Well, all I really had to say was about the tube sock and the friend whores. I guess I'll write more later when I have something interesting to say.
(DB) out.
All I did was work last night. I don't remember doing anything else, except DLing a few Postal Service songs and having them not play right. Oh, and I spent a few hours listening to Louise make fun of me. I'm pretty used to that at this point, I think it's more funny than it is like... hurtful, or mean. But yeah, definitely funny. See the adventures of Mr. Heartbreaker and Super Footwear Girl here.
BTW, when I said I woke up this morning, I lied. I woke up at 1:15. hah. My mom told me to clean the bathroom. I have to somehow fit that in with doing a hundred or so loads of laundry, because we all know I'm running out of outfit choices. Sad part is, Brad used to do my laundry, and it's been a month, and only now am I starting to run out of stuff that is A) clean, or B) doesn't stink. So, I need to remember how to work a washer and a dryer, and if I look at it the right way, I can delude myself into feeling really good about it. "It's not a chore, it's an assertion of my independence!" (yeahok)
So, when I did wake up this afternoon, there was an IM on my phone from some random guy. I got online and IMed him back and he forgot he IMed me in the first place.
I have a message for any Random Guys who want to IM me. I'm not interested in hooking up with you. That and, if you want to talk to me, please like... actually want to talk to me, instead of sending out IM blasts to every guy you can find and then seeing who writes back.
That and, Myspace Friend Whores, don't even bother.
Well, all I really had to say was about the tube sock and the friend whores. I guess I'll write more later when I have something interesting to say.
(DB) out.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
hope for the future
I once asked myself the question, "If you could go back in time and tell your past self one sentence that might have made your future easier, what would it be?" My answer to that was, "Self, you'll start missing college classes because you were busy fixing your hair, so stop living a lie and make things easier for everyone."
I'm sitting in front of the cafe, waiting for my next class to start. Dave called me butt crack early asking for a ride to school, but I somehow didn't hear the phone ringing and realized it a half hour later. I feel bad, but what happens while I'm asleep is not my responsibility.
I was up really last last night looking over old photos and blog entries. I didn't know I had a blog before my last one. It was staggering to read how many of my posts were composed mainly of bitching and ranting about my parents. Or talking about girls. Hah. But of course there were a few nice little gems, so now, for your reading pleasure, some notable quotes from the past.
"i danced around like a horny ostrich in my underwear. i humped people, and cars. it was sexy."
"i have a friend in need, and im gonna be up that way picking up my tree frog from pam's anyway, so if i have to throw my pentagram in the glovebox and leave my goat's blood in the cupholder, it'll only be to swoop in, pick amma up, and bounce the hell out. god knows chilling in a Xian summer camp is gonna make me thirsty. mmm... goatalicious."
"ah, the zen of consumerism."
"Nobody wants to love 'America the Beautiful.' Seemingly it's a lot more convenient to love 'America the Victim.'"
"amma 'popped a squat' on a tree, and shelby mounted a tombstone and screamed "hail satan and his epileptic monkey." i sat there eating my chicken, wondering when the dead were gonna pop up and tell us to be gone."
in v1no veritas: okay, this is gross but innocent
in v1no veritas: you know the feeling where youve got like snot caught between the back of your nose and your mouth and you really want to spit but you can't
in v1no veritas: and then you suck and suck and it finally comes out of your nose so you can spit the godforsaken thing out?
LauroraMoonStar: hahaha
in v1no veritas: i LOVE that
"i'm getting quite tired of walking into biology and being told what invertebrate dissection is on the slate for the day. i wish we could go a few class periods without being surprised with a new stinky-ass animal to tear apart."
"By the end of my speech, you'll know more about the domestication of these delicious birds..." ~matt s.
"maybe ill go down earlier, and take the movies. or, rather, the one of the two that a guy can securely watch with other male friends... freaky friday, of course! ... yeah, no."
"one last thing: know it and know it well. these are the rules for my car.
1) wear your god damn seat belt.
2) dont be changing my radio! unless you ask, thats interfering with my driving mojo and people have been shot for less.
3) specify where the fuck you want to go!
4) im not transporting your booze in my car. unless im drinking it.
5) im not gonna drive anywhere if ive drank or smoked anything, so dont ask. ***sadly, this is the only thing that's really changed, only because of convenience factors.***
6) my window buttons dont work. fact of life.
7) im driving as fast as i can, okay? if you paid as much as i do for insurance youd understand why i cant take too many risks. ***This has kinda changed... usually these days, people are telling me to slow down.***
8) i am the only person allowed to put any new burns in my seats.
9) if you dont like the music you only get one complaint before you become annoying.
10) if you are forbidden to ride shotgun, theres a reason. take some time to think about what you've done."
this part added a few hours later
So in summation, if I could travel back in time and talk to myself, I'd also add, "Self, you're not going to change all that much over the next few years. Stop sweating the small stuff, because sadly, none of that's going away."
That and, I just checked my email and got one from my weight training teacher, saying she was sorry the class wasn't working out for me this semester. She also told me to switch it to audit, or withdraw, before the failing grade ends up on my transcripts. Looks like I owe Hopkins money now. Also looks like I might not ever be able to get my tuition grant again. My parents are probably going to kill me, and this could severely impede my college career in the future.
Oh well. As much as all the blood just drained from my extremities, and as much as I wanna freak out and get all nervous and drama-queeny, I'm not going to. Life will go on somehow.
(DB) out.
I'm sitting in front of the cafe, waiting for my next class to start. Dave called me butt crack early asking for a ride to school, but I somehow didn't hear the phone ringing and realized it a half hour later. I feel bad, but what happens while I'm asleep is not my responsibility.
I was up really last last night looking over old photos and blog entries. I didn't know I had a blog before my last one. It was staggering to read how many of my posts were composed mainly of bitching and ranting about my parents. Or talking about girls. Hah. But of course there were a few nice little gems, so now, for your reading pleasure, some notable quotes from the past.
"i danced around like a horny ostrich in my underwear. i humped people, and cars. it was sexy."
"i have a friend in need, and im gonna be up that way picking up my tree frog from pam's anyway, so if i have to throw my pentagram in the glovebox and leave my goat's blood in the cupholder, it'll only be to swoop in, pick amma up, and bounce the hell out. god knows chilling in a Xian summer camp is gonna make me thirsty. mmm... goatalicious."
"ah, the zen of consumerism."
"Nobody wants to love 'America the Beautiful.' Seemingly it's a lot more convenient to love 'America the Victim.'"
"amma 'popped a squat' on a tree, and shelby mounted a tombstone and screamed "hail satan and his epileptic monkey." i sat there eating my chicken, wondering when the dead were gonna pop up and tell us to be gone."
in v1no veritas: okay, this is gross but innocent
in v1no veritas: you know the feeling where youve got like snot caught between the back of your nose and your mouth and you really want to spit but you can't
in v1no veritas: and then you suck and suck and it finally comes out of your nose so you can spit the godforsaken thing out?
LauroraMoonStar: hahaha
in v1no veritas: i LOVE that
"i'm getting quite tired of walking into biology and being told what invertebrate dissection is on the slate for the day. i wish we could go a few class periods without being surprised with a new stinky-ass animal to tear apart."
"By the end of my speech, you'll know more about the domestication of these delicious birds..." ~matt s.
"maybe ill go down earlier, and take the movies. or, rather, the one of the two that a guy can securely watch with other male friends... freaky friday, of course! ... yeah, no."
"one last thing: know it and know it well. these are the rules for my car.
1) wear your god damn seat belt.
2) dont be changing my radio! unless you ask, thats interfering with my driving mojo and people have been shot for less.
3) specify where the fuck you want to go!
4) im not transporting your booze in my car. unless im drinking it.
5) im not gonna drive anywhere if ive drank or smoked anything, so dont ask. ***sadly, this is the only thing that's really changed, only because of convenience factors.***
6) my window buttons dont work. fact of life.
7) im driving as fast as i can, okay? if you paid as much as i do for insurance youd understand why i cant take too many risks. ***This has kinda changed... usually these days, people are telling me to slow down.***
8) i am the only person allowed to put any new burns in my seats.
9) if you dont like the music you only get one complaint before you become annoying.
10) if you are forbidden to ride shotgun, theres a reason. take some time to think about what you've done."
this part added a few hours later
So in summation, if I could travel back in time and talk to myself, I'd also add, "Self, you're not going to change all that much over the next few years. Stop sweating the small stuff, because sadly, none of that's going away."
That and, I just checked my email and got one from my weight training teacher, saying she was sorry the class wasn't working out for me this semester. She also told me to switch it to audit, or withdraw, before the failing grade ends up on my transcripts. Looks like I owe Hopkins money now. Also looks like I might not ever be able to get my tuition grant again. My parents are probably going to kill me, and this could severely impede my college career in the future.
Oh well. As much as all the blood just drained from my extremities, and as much as I wanna freak out and get all nervous and drama-queeny, I'm not going to. Life will go on somehow.
(DB) out.
internet radio sucks.
Yes, indeed, I'm perusing the iTunes radio stations because my library is getting really, really beat these days. And I've found that all there is to do, with a thousand channels to pick from, is switch the station every five minutes when a crap song comes on.
So, today was: wake up, get ready for work, go to work, eat Hot Pockets and check Myspace, finish last half of work, to come home and check Myspace. And, you know, talk to people about important and profound things.
I've come to the following conclusion: regardless of how I feel about the circumstances of my life, there are a few basic facts. I am 19. I am young, in school, and working for pretty decent money. I feel like there's a whole lot more fun to be had than spending most of my free time on the computer, talking to people who go out and have fun. Not to say that there isn't a time and place for that, but most definitely not Friday or Saturday nights, which has been the mode of things lately.
Most of Baltimore is a violent, drug-infested shit hole. Which translates to, Baltimore has a huge night scene and there's definitely got to be something out there for me. I really wanna find it, because I'm tired of wishing that I could find it.
Random, unrelated resolution: I'm never taking 8am classes again. All classes are to take place after 10. At the very earliest. Although knowing myself, I'd just stay up later, sleep in longer, and miss them anyway.
It's been hours, and I still have yet to pick another radio station, that's actually playing good music. I should stick to making my own. (Or maybe give an Idle Vie CD a listen, since everyone else around here swears by them.)
These next few days are actually looking like they're going to be busy, and there might be time for social interaction sometime in there. I don't think I've had conflicting plans for a Saturday night in probably over a year. It's almost invigorating.
Somebody, tell me if you notice the following pattern: in the fall, everything starts to get more exciting, somehow. Maybe it's because it's colder and darker, and people tend to band together for warmth, figuratively and literally. I seem to remember every year being like that, in one way or another. I know "exciting" is a typical summer feeling, but my theory is, in the fall, everyone you're around and everything you do is somehow more meaningful. With or without the drugs and alcohol.
So I'm off to like.. vegetate, then fall asleep, then wake up, and repeat everything all over again. peace
(DB) out.
So, today was: wake up, get ready for work, go to work, eat Hot Pockets and check Myspace, finish last half of work, to come home and check Myspace. And, you know, talk to people about important and profound things.
I've come to the following conclusion: regardless of how I feel about the circumstances of my life, there are a few basic facts. I am 19. I am young, in school, and working for pretty decent money. I feel like there's a whole lot more fun to be had than spending most of my free time on the computer, talking to people who go out and have fun. Not to say that there isn't a time and place for that, but most definitely not Friday or Saturday nights, which has been the mode of things lately.
Most of Baltimore is a violent, drug-infested shit hole. Which translates to, Baltimore has a huge night scene and there's definitely got to be something out there for me. I really wanna find it, because I'm tired of wishing that I could find it.
Random, unrelated resolution: I'm never taking 8am classes again. All classes are to take place after 10. At the very earliest. Although knowing myself, I'd just stay up later, sleep in longer, and miss them anyway.
It's been hours, and I still have yet to pick another radio station, that's actually playing good music. I should stick to making my own. (Or maybe give an Idle Vie CD a listen, since everyone else around here swears by them.)
These next few days are actually looking like they're going to be busy, and there might be time for social interaction sometime in there. I don't think I've had conflicting plans for a Saturday night in probably over a year. It's almost invigorating.
Somebody, tell me if you notice the following pattern: in the fall, everything starts to get more exciting, somehow. Maybe it's because it's colder and darker, and people tend to band together for warmth, figuratively and literally. I seem to remember every year being like that, in one way or another. I know "exciting" is a typical summer feeling, but my theory is, in the fall, everyone you're around and everything you do is somehow more meaningful. With or without the drugs and alcohol.
So I'm off to like.. vegetate, then fall asleep, then wake up, and repeat everything all over again. peace
(DB) out.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
i wanted "anti-space.blogspot.com," but it was taken.
Okay. So it's been since may that I've posted anything in any of my blogs. There have been reasons. The biggest one, which I think you are all familiar with, is MySpace.
MySpace, as defined by about 70 people on UrbanDictionary.com, is digital crack, digital heroin, an e-drug, or something along those lines. It takes over your higher brain functions, and can make you lose track of hours at a time. You scramble to somewhere with an open computer or a wi-fi signal, just to get your fix. And the worst part is, it's completely and totally legal.
So, I've decided (probably in vain) to start writing a blog again, because MySpace takes up way too much of my time. I find myself checking my profile at work, probably two to three times a shift. Just because there's nothing else to do. I plan my lunch breaks so there's enough room for food, and the ibook, so I can check my profile. It's absolutely disgusting. lol.
It's gotten to the point that I'm actually developing some sort of ability with Photoshop, just because I spend so much time editing MySpace pictures.
In the interest of saving time, if any of you read my last blog, it left off with things much, much different than they are now. In very few words:
> My job at Books-a-Million is no more. I up and quit that place about a month after the last time I blogged, which was like.. late May.
> I spent the summer doing absolutely nothing. Brad and I lived it up very cheaply, and took many small vacations. i.e., Jersey, Deep Creek, Ocean City, Philly, and Rehoboth, to name the notables.
> After a summer of scrounging and unemployment, I landed a job at the Apple Store, and I couldn't be happier.
> I'm going to CCBC/University of Rossville Blvd./Perry Hall Univ. again. I still hate going to school but it beats working full-time.
> Brad and I broke up about a month ago. Everyone seems to have several distinct sets of feelings about that, so I'll leave it alone.
> I'm finally re-learning how to play guitar. I wrote a song the other night, the first I've written since probably sometime last year. I want to be an artist, still, and usually, every time I get to the point where I'm in touch with that again, I start blogging.
> The Buick still survives, and is still in fact rockin.
Other than all that, not too much else has been going on. I've been kinda down about life lately, and I realize I have absolutely no reason to. Besides the fact that I'm a total tool for a virtual network of people that I usually talk to more in real life anyway. And the ones I don't talk to in real life have profile pics with no shirts on, and make me think I'm destined to die sad, fat, and alone. When really, I'll just die without having contracted myspaceherpes, which most of these guys are probably unwittingly spreading to each other.
Sad part is, this already had a definition on UrbanDictionary. I sent in a new one, just for poo-poos and ha-has.
So yeah. MySpace = the devil. Me = destined for obesity and solitude. Hand me the Bon-Bons and shut the door on the way out. (hah)
(DB) out.
MySpace, as defined by about 70 people on UrbanDictionary.com, is digital crack, digital heroin, an e-drug, or something along those lines. It takes over your higher brain functions, and can make you lose track of hours at a time. You scramble to somewhere with an open computer or a wi-fi signal, just to get your fix. And the worst part is, it's completely and totally legal.
So, I've decided (probably in vain) to start writing a blog again, because MySpace takes up way too much of my time. I find myself checking my profile at work, probably two to three times a shift. Just because there's nothing else to do. I plan my lunch breaks so there's enough room for food, and the ibook, so I can check my profile. It's absolutely disgusting. lol.
It's gotten to the point that I'm actually developing some sort of ability with Photoshop, just because I spend so much time editing MySpace pictures.
In the interest of saving time, if any of you read my last blog, it left off with things much, much different than they are now. In very few words:
> My job at Books-a-Million is no more. I up and quit that place about a month after the last time I blogged, which was like.. late May.
> I spent the summer doing absolutely nothing. Brad and I lived it up very cheaply, and took many small vacations. i.e., Jersey, Deep Creek, Ocean City, Philly, and Rehoboth, to name the notables.
> After a summer of scrounging and unemployment, I landed a job at the Apple Store, and I couldn't be happier.
> I'm going to CCBC/University of Rossville Blvd./Perry Hall Univ. again. I still hate going to school but it beats working full-time.
> Brad and I broke up about a month ago. Everyone seems to have several distinct sets of feelings about that, so I'll leave it alone.
> I'm finally re-learning how to play guitar. I wrote a song the other night, the first I've written since probably sometime last year. I want to be an artist, still, and usually, every time I get to the point where I'm in touch with that again, I start blogging.
> The Buick still survives, and is still in fact rockin.
Other than all that, not too much else has been going on. I've been kinda down about life lately, and I realize I have absolutely no reason to. Besides the fact that I'm a total tool for a virtual network of people that I usually talk to more in real life anyway. And the ones I don't talk to in real life have profile pics with no shirts on, and make me think I'm destined to die sad, fat, and alone. When really, I'll just die without having contracted myspaceherpes, which most of these guys are probably unwittingly spreading to each other.
Sad part is, this already had a definition on UrbanDictionary. I sent in a new one, just for poo-poos and ha-has.
So yeah. MySpace = the devil. Me = destined for obesity and solitude. Hand me the Bon-Bons and shut the door on the way out. (hah)
(DB) out.
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