what i think when i'm away

...from a keyboard.

7:11AM- It's sad when a pen and paper are more of a backup blog, rather than a blog being a digital backup diary. I wish I had done something useful with myself last night. I stayed in, watched about 20 minutes worth of Monster In Law, listened to the new Format album, and allowed it to take too much sleep from me. And now, I'm at work. I got two hours of sleep, optimistically speaking. Of course, pessimistically speaking, I got about fifteen minutes of sleep, interspersed throughout two hours of tossing and turning, sweating, and finding my pillows way too uncomfortable; even though they're absolutely great, I can't take much solace in their company when I know I have to leave them. Am I talking about goose down pillows, or concubines? Is there much of a difference? I'm going to attempt writing as a form of therapy, if not intellectual stimulation, to keep me awake. Is it bad that I'm almost wishing to get a migraine, so I can have an excuse to go get some sleep?

10:00AM- I just ate a little bit, had some caffeine, and a cigarette. And for about ten minutes, everything will be okay with the world.

10:10AM- I find my mind dwelling on two things. The first being, I can't wait to actually be done here, to finally stop having to live and work in the proverbial shadows, doing jobs that nobody wants to do. I much prefer Apple. I much prefer enjoying my job and being appreciated.

10:32AM- The second thing is, memories that are so vivid I could live in them. I only have a couple of them, two good, one bad. The bad one just happened. The good one was last summer. The other good one.. which I guess I would more accurately call bittersweet, that was in the fall. "And about all the pain, I suppose it was worth it.. You could do it again, but I just don't deserve it..."

11:11AM- I'm afraid of relationships and commitment in general. I'll admit it. I look at where my life is, where I want it to be, and how much I've got on my plate, and I am of the opinion that I've got absolutely nothing to give, at least as far as time and energy go, and that I'm far too picky to find any guy for whom I'd be willing to compromise. As far as my freedom goes, hah. I have no idea what kind of superhero would be required to distract me from my love affair with my own capricious free will.

2:58PM- That poem took entirely too long to write, but it's been pretty busy today. Aside from an hour or two of unconsciousness in the morning, it's flown

(DB) out.