So in the past week or so, I've determined that I'm not in fact switching to goats. Nor do I plan on talking about boys anymore in this blog, because it's all self-contradictory bull crap and you guys probably are getting tired of reading about it.
Not that I'm really writing anything.
I promise I'll do a real update sometime soon, I swear.
(DB) out.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Saturday, November 19, 2005
baaah.
men are worthless, i'm switching to goats.
in other news.. nothing. now back to goat-fucking.
So, being stood up on a date sucks, right? Being stood up because the date was by his own admission too blasted to even pick up the phone and cancel sucks even more. Then having said date refuse to return your phone calls, that sucks, right? How about a Myspace bulletin saying how much he wants someone to take him out to the club, without so much as a single attempt to call me back?
Methinks I've just been suckered into believing that three dates that go really well (I thought so) are an indication of how things go in the future, when we all know it doesn't work that way. Once you begin to significantly figure out you like someone, all of a sudden, they start to treat you like a radioactive, soiled diaper.
So, like I said, I'm thinking about switching to goats. It can't be all that baaaaad.
(I had to.)
(DB) out.
in other news.. nothing. now back to goat-fucking.
So, being stood up on a date sucks, right? Being stood up because the date was by his own admission too blasted to even pick up the phone and cancel sucks even more. Then having said date refuse to return your phone calls, that sucks, right? How about a Myspace bulletin saying how much he wants someone to take him out to the club, without so much as a single attempt to call me back?
Methinks I've just been suckered into believing that three dates that go really well (I thought so) are an indication of how things go in the future, when we all know it doesn't work that way. Once you begin to significantly figure out you like someone, all of a sudden, they start to treat you like a radioactive, soiled diaper.
So, like I said, I'm thinking about switching to goats. It can't be all that baaaaad.
(I had to.)
(DB) out.
Saturday, November 12, 2005
friday night fever
I don't know why, but if I don't spend a Friday night out drinking til 3am, I feel like I didn't do anything with my day.
Which would be totally inaccurate. Today I hung out with Kay-star and her friend Jim, then had Starbucks with Claire, where hijinks ensued. Then I came home, discussed Adam Sandler and beer with my parents for a few minutes, then came upstairs.
I masturbated, I fell asleep immediately thereafter, then woke up to footsteps coming up the stairs, giving me just enough time to zip up and pretend I'd been idly typing this whole time.
So now I'm going to watch Garden State, and use junk food to fill the strange, uncharacteristic emotional void I seem to be experiencing. It's a brilliant movie and I could use a little mind candy.
Night,
(DB) out.
Which would be totally inaccurate. Today I hung out with Kay-star and her friend Jim, then had Starbucks with Claire, where hijinks ensued. Then I came home, discussed Adam Sandler and beer with my parents for a few minutes, then came upstairs.
I masturbated, I fell asleep immediately thereafter, then woke up to footsteps coming up the stairs, giving me just enough time to zip up and pretend I'd been idly typing this whole time.
So now I'm going to watch Garden State, and use junk food to fill the strange, uncharacteristic emotional void I seem to be experiencing. It's a brilliant movie and I could use a little mind candy.
Night,
(DB) out.
Friday, November 11, 2005
This just in: I overreact about everything
For now, at least, it looks like maybe thing aren't as dire as I thought.
As a few may know, I've been kinda passively avoiding the house these past couple days, making plans that involve being there only when my parents aren't home, and spending the night out for no good reason other than not feeling at home. I always do that, I avoid being home when I've done something bad. And of course my mom called me on it, and so instead of continuing, I went home last night and dealt with it.
My mom and I talked last night, which was mainly her emoting about how screwed she feels, which is a right she reserves completely. I didn't really say anything, because I didn't really have anything to say, other than that I was sorry and even though that wasn't good enough, I wouldn't really be expecting her help in the future. Which she was quick to assure me, I wouldn't be getting. But she did say, memorably, that she "wants our relationship to move to a more adult level," and that involves me carrying my own weight in a lot of respects. I let her finish blowing off steam, then went to Dave's for the evening.
Today I didn't do too much of anything. Dave and I had lunch with Shelly and there was blog fun to follow. My dad called and asked if I'd be home for dinner, which I agreed to, thinking it was going to be all sorts of terrible, and that I'd walk away from it with instructions to pack my shit and go.
Fortunately this was not the case. He asked me if I had a plan, which I'm not even sure if I do. My mom came home from work and was really glad I was there, I guess just because despite my shortcomings, she missed me. We talked about the normal dinnertime stuff, she asked what sort of advancement potential I might have open to me at Apple, and I waxed poetic about a few courses of action I could take to end up well-paid and happy in the long run, instead of just in the short term.
So, it does indeed look like my world hasn't come completely crashing down on top of my head. I'm still considering moving in with Dave, and also, Kay and I are getting together to discuss apartment shopping. At least if I do plan to get out on my own, I don't have to pull an alternative living arrangement out of my ass, because I still have a place to call home, remarkably enough.
Many thanks to those of you I've subjected to my griping and emo'ing on the topic. And Louise, you are a whore for not meeting me for coffee tonight.
BTW, that hot date I had the other night, actually ended up at a nice restaurant. I felt bad, because he didn't know how to use chopsticks, and we all know what a sushi whore I am. Yeah, I felt so bad, because I'd scarfed down half an ocean's worth of nigiri, and he hadn't gotten through more than two pieces of his. Despite the awkwardness he swears he had a good time, which is good, because I feel in kind.
I made this bomb-ass mix CD the other night for the aforementioned certain someone, and I still feel super-accomplished about it. If any readers feel like putting up with my self-pitying bitching deserves some sort of compensation, ask me how to make the absolute best mix CD ever, for any occasion! That shall be your reward.
Yeah, so tomorrow = hanging out with Kay-star, and then meeting up with Claire to go to some show that's purportedly free. I can't argue with Claire, and free music. Knowing us, we'll lament that we can't find a bottle of wine anywhere to save our lives, and spend ridiculous amounts of time trying to find said bottle of wine anyway. Or go to the CVP and pretend to be legally-drinking college students. It'll be grand.
Thus concludes everything I feel like I should be addressing.. um, so I think I'll go to bed now.
(DB) out.
As a few may know, I've been kinda passively avoiding the house these past couple days, making plans that involve being there only when my parents aren't home, and spending the night out for no good reason other than not feeling at home. I always do that, I avoid being home when I've done something bad. And of course my mom called me on it, and so instead of continuing, I went home last night and dealt with it.
My mom and I talked last night, which was mainly her emoting about how screwed she feels, which is a right she reserves completely. I didn't really say anything, because I didn't really have anything to say, other than that I was sorry and even though that wasn't good enough, I wouldn't really be expecting her help in the future. Which she was quick to assure me, I wouldn't be getting. But she did say, memorably, that she "wants our relationship to move to a more adult level," and that involves me carrying my own weight in a lot of respects. I let her finish blowing off steam, then went to Dave's for the evening.
Today I didn't do too much of anything. Dave and I had lunch with Shelly and there was blog fun to follow. My dad called and asked if I'd be home for dinner, which I agreed to, thinking it was going to be all sorts of terrible, and that I'd walk away from it with instructions to pack my shit and go.
Fortunately this was not the case. He asked me if I had a plan, which I'm not even sure if I do. My mom came home from work and was really glad I was there, I guess just because despite my shortcomings, she missed me. We talked about the normal dinnertime stuff, she asked what sort of advancement potential I might have open to me at Apple, and I waxed poetic about a few courses of action I could take to end up well-paid and happy in the long run, instead of just in the short term.
So, it does indeed look like my world hasn't come completely crashing down on top of my head. I'm still considering moving in with Dave, and also, Kay and I are getting together to discuss apartment shopping. At least if I do plan to get out on my own, I don't have to pull an alternative living arrangement out of my ass, because I still have a place to call home, remarkably enough.
Many thanks to those of you I've subjected to my griping and emo'ing on the topic. And Louise, you are a whore for not meeting me for coffee tonight.
BTW, that hot date I had the other night, actually ended up at a nice restaurant. I felt bad, because he didn't know how to use chopsticks, and we all know what a sushi whore I am. Yeah, I felt so bad, because I'd scarfed down half an ocean's worth of nigiri, and he hadn't gotten through more than two pieces of his. Despite the awkwardness he swears he had a good time, which is good, because I feel in kind.
I made this bomb-ass mix CD the other night for the aforementioned certain someone, and I still feel super-accomplished about it. If any readers feel like putting up with my self-pitying bitching deserves some sort of compensation, ask me how to make the absolute best mix CD ever, for any occasion! That shall be your reward.
Yeah, so tomorrow = hanging out with Kay-star, and then meeting up with Claire to go to some show that's purportedly free. I can't argue with Claire, and free music. Knowing us, we'll lament that we can't find a bottle of wine anywhere to save our lives, and spend ridiculous amounts of time trying to find said bottle of wine anyway. Or go to the CVP and pretend to be legally-drinking college students. It'll be grand.
Thus concludes everything I feel like I should be addressing.. um, so I think I'll go to bed now.
(DB) out.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
identities erased, the sun will heat the ground, under our bare feet
So, it's been a few days. A good amount of stuff has happened, especially today. In short- Saturday night eventually began to suck even more and more as it went on, so I called Jacque and we got donuts and had girl talk, and made mix CDs for our trip to Philly, which was tons and tons of fun. So you should check out the iPhoto gallery, and see.
Today was the last day to drop classes at school, and I didn't go in person, thinking I'd be able to do it online. Unfortunately that wasn't possible. So I'm looking at 16 credits worth of F's this semester, unless I can kiss some serious ass at Records and Reg. tomorrow. Which, knowing the friendly staff of Essex Administration, isn't going to happen.
I'm beginning to think that moving in with Dave is going to become more and more of a reality with every passing day, because my parents are starting to smell the smoke from my glorious plane crash of a semester. I know they're not going to be happy about it. I'm not sure what the ramifications would be for me, when they finally do find out, but I'm fairly sure they're not pretty. And I'm also sure they're going to find out soon. I'm preparing myself for the worst-case scenario.
Even though losing my car and comfy suburban lifestyle is going to take its toll on me, maybe it's for the best. When I fucked up high school, it became clear I was going to have to build my life from the ground up. I just didn't know how close to the ground I would have to start. But the path, while not without its own tribulations, has not been difficult. I feel like everything I have in this world, I've been given. My car, my cell phone, every single piece of furniture, my last failed attempt at school, and my current failed attempt at school. My parents have tried for so long to make sure my life would be as easy and promising as possible, but for whatever reason, I take what they offer me and fail to do what I should with it. I'm sure they're tired of me draining their energy and resources, and the more I think about it, I feel like I'm tired of being such a drain on them.
When it comes to getting on with my own future, I need to shit or get off the pot. I don't feel like I can do that living with them. Although who knows, maybe after much fighting (and more importantly, after I've paid them back for the semester) our relationship can start to heal.
In other news, got another hot date tomorrow night, and I really feel like I should do some laundry, because I'm thinking we should probably, you know, go to a decent restaurant instead of a 24-hour diner. I also think I'll have to wake up early to take care of that among other things. So, I think I'll be going now.
(DB) out.
Today was the last day to drop classes at school, and I didn't go in person, thinking I'd be able to do it online. Unfortunately that wasn't possible. So I'm looking at 16 credits worth of F's this semester, unless I can kiss some serious ass at Records and Reg. tomorrow. Which, knowing the friendly staff of Essex Administration, isn't going to happen.
I'm beginning to think that moving in with Dave is going to become more and more of a reality with every passing day, because my parents are starting to smell the smoke from my glorious plane crash of a semester. I know they're not going to be happy about it. I'm not sure what the ramifications would be for me, when they finally do find out, but I'm fairly sure they're not pretty. And I'm also sure they're going to find out soon. I'm preparing myself for the worst-case scenario.
Even though losing my car and comfy suburban lifestyle is going to take its toll on me, maybe it's for the best. When I fucked up high school, it became clear I was going to have to build my life from the ground up. I just didn't know how close to the ground I would have to start. But the path, while not without its own tribulations, has not been difficult. I feel like everything I have in this world, I've been given. My car, my cell phone, every single piece of furniture, my last failed attempt at school, and my current failed attempt at school. My parents have tried for so long to make sure my life would be as easy and promising as possible, but for whatever reason, I take what they offer me and fail to do what I should with it. I'm sure they're tired of me draining their energy and resources, and the more I think about it, I feel like I'm tired of being such a drain on them.
When it comes to getting on with my own future, I need to shit or get off the pot. I don't feel like I can do that living with them. Although who knows, maybe after much fighting (and more importantly, after I've paid them back for the semester) our relationship can start to heal.
In other news, got another hot date tomorrow night, and I really feel like I should do some laundry, because I'm thinking we should probably, you know, go to a decent restaurant instead of a 24-hour diner. I also think I'll have to wake up early to take care of that among other things. So, I think I'll be going now.
(DB) out.
Sunday, November 06, 2005
current mood: buggered
In a big experiment involving laziness and stream of consciousness, I give you me, right now.
so i'm mad becasue nowhere around here cashes checks, liquor store clerks are just lazy because they want to get out RIGHT at 10:00 when the store closes and they all have their tills counted and people without 24-hour bank accounts are fucked. i have no money and tomorrow's sunday and i'll be lucky if i can even get to a bank tomorrow much less one thats open. i wasted all my remaining gas tonight driving to and from seedy establishments hoping they'd take a piece off the top of my hard earned pay, just so i could have access to it, but no, here i am broke with one cigarette left feeling like God has smacked me in the face with his dick.
+ my car is making funny noises and if i didn't know any better, i'd say my serpentine belt wasn't on its last legs. and i dont have any money to fix that.
+ i think i missed the deadline to withdraw from classes at school so no matter what i do now, my college GPA is ruined. no sweat though because we all knew that was coming.
once again i feel like God is smacking his dick on my face. i daren't say it couldn't get any worse because i know it could but i'm thinking it's just bad enough to the point that i wouldn't particularly need it to get any worse to make me any more upsetangrystressedwhatever. tonight i masturbated and took a really short nap because i was looking for something to do that wouldn't involve me smoking my last cigarette and having to go out to 7-11, because i'm just that lazy
i guess i was waiting for tonight to just fall into place, like last night did, but i guess that was too much to ask, and no matter what i try to do to fix it, i'm embuggered on a broken wine bottle just the same
goodnight, or something like it
(DB) out.
so i'm mad becasue nowhere around here cashes checks, liquor store clerks are just lazy because they want to get out RIGHT at 10:00 when the store closes and they all have their tills counted and people without 24-hour bank accounts are fucked. i have no money and tomorrow's sunday and i'll be lucky if i can even get to a bank tomorrow much less one thats open. i wasted all my remaining gas tonight driving to and from seedy establishments hoping they'd take a piece off the top of my hard earned pay, just so i could have access to it, but no, here i am broke with one cigarette left feeling like God has smacked me in the face with his dick.
+ my car is making funny noises and if i didn't know any better, i'd say my serpentine belt wasn't on its last legs. and i dont have any money to fix that.
+ i think i missed the deadline to withdraw from classes at school so no matter what i do now, my college GPA is ruined. no sweat though because we all knew that was coming.
once again i feel like God is smacking his dick on my face. i daren't say it couldn't get any worse because i know it could but i'm thinking it's just bad enough to the point that i wouldn't particularly need it to get any worse to make me any more upsetangrystressedwhatever. tonight i masturbated and took a really short nap because i was looking for something to do that wouldn't involve me smoking my last cigarette and having to go out to 7-11, because i'm just that lazy
i guess i was waiting for tonight to just fall into place, like last night did, but i guess that was too much to ask, and no matter what i try to do to fix it, i'm embuggered on a broken wine bottle just the same
goodnight, or something like it
(DB) out.
Friday, November 04, 2005
you know who you are
Thanks for the Livejournal entry with the lyrics. It's nice to know that at least one of us is publicly badmouthing the other.
if i took a good look at the nobody in the mirror...
So, I was reading the old, old blog again and found this one set of lyrics that's really trite and semi-juvenile, but at least the hook for the song is as scathing and pithy as something I would write these days.
I haven't posted in a number of days, which is for a number of reasons. I've been busy, again reconnecting with friends I haven't seen in a while, and making new ones. All in all, aside from school drama, everything's been pretty satisfying this week.
+ a few giddy schoolgirl moments. Thank you, Myspace.
In an update on the one entry where I talked about getting together a group of aimless artists to have spontaneous coffee houses and then go home, รก la Burning Man, sans the desert and the drugs, I wrote a poem the other night, and I can totally see myself reading it at a coffee house with a smirk on my face. A few of you might have already read it, but if you haven't / you even care, ask me for it. Or just wait a few days, because who knows, I might start feeling ballsy and put it out there for all to see and then not say anything if they don't like it. Sometimes, I think out things like that too much.
I started this post not intending to write very much, but it's become apparent to me that if I set the zoom up on the screen, so that the text is enormous and the magnification follows my typing, it's a lot more fun to write. So I think I will.
But yeah, in very few words, I've got a hot date tomorrow night, about which I'm very excited. I had a hot date tonight, too, which was really impromptu, but satisfying anyway. It should take the edge off tomorrow night, because it won't technically be the first date. But yeah. Giddy like a little schoolgirl.
Oh, this also bears mentioning: I was upset to find out earlier this week that instead of getting a 20GB, fourth-generation iPod photo, I'll be getting a 30GB, fifth-generation iPod. Yeah, the one that plays video. Why would I complain about this? Getting a more current / cool version? Because the fifth-generation iPod no longer supports FireWire. And, unless I go out and buy a whole new computer, it'll take me approximately an entire weekend to transfer my whole music library to the iPod. That and, I've heard rumors that it won't even bother transferring videos over USB 1.1 (what I have) because it'd be too sinfully slow. That and I'm gonna have to invest in a wall charger, because USB 1.1 doesn't supply enough power to charge the thing, or so I'm told. But, I guess once I have the whole library transferred, I'll only be transferring a couple of songs at a time after that, so the slow connection might not be all that bothersome. That, and all my assumptions are based on hearsay.
God, I'm a dork, but it feels good to have typed something.
(DB) out.
I haven't posted in a number of days, which is for a number of reasons. I've been busy, again reconnecting with friends I haven't seen in a while, and making new ones. All in all, aside from school drama, everything's been pretty satisfying this week.
+ a few giddy schoolgirl moments. Thank you, Myspace.
In an update on the one entry where I talked about getting together a group of aimless artists to have spontaneous coffee houses and then go home, รก la Burning Man, sans the desert and the drugs, I wrote a poem the other night, and I can totally see myself reading it at a coffee house with a smirk on my face. A few of you might have already read it, but if you haven't / you even care, ask me for it. Or just wait a few days, because who knows, I might start feeling ballsy and put it out there for all to see and then not say anything if they don't like it. Sometimes, I think out things like that too much.
I started this post not intending to write very much, but it's become apparent to me that if I set the zoom up on the screen, so that the text is enormous and the magnification follows my typing, it's a lot more fun to write. So I think I will.
But yeah, in very few words, I've got a hot date tomorrow night, about which I'm very excited. I had a hot date tonight, too, which was really impromptu, but satisfying anyway. It should take the edge off tomorrow night, because it won't technically be the first date. But yeah. Giddy like a little schoolgirl.
Oh, this also bears mentioning: I was upset to find out earlier this week that instead of getting a 20GB, fourth-generation iPod photo, I'll be getting a 30GB, fifth-generation iPod. Yeah, the one that plays video. Why would I complain about this? Getting a more current / cool version? Because the fifth-generation iPod no longer supports FireWire. And, unless I go out and buy a whole new computer, it'll take me approximately an entire weekend to transfer my whole music library to the iPod. That and, I've heard rumors that it won't even bother transferring videos over USB 1.1 (what I have) because it'd be too sinfully slow. That and I'm gonna have to invest in a wall charger, because USB 1.1 doesn't supply enough power to charge the thing, or so I'm told. But, I guess once I have the whole library transferred, I'll only be transferring a couple of songs at a time after that, so the slow connection might not be all that bothersome. That, and all my assumptions are based on hearsay.
God, I'm a dork, but it feels good to have typed something.
(DB) out.
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